Cons of Cohabitating

Broken Engagements

When you move in together with the intention of eventually getting married, you risk experiencing a broken engagement. When you first get engaged or you are on the verge of getting engaged, your first instinct may be to move in together as a “trial run.” While this may be good for some couples, for others, it may be the beginning of the end of their relationship. In other words, you may initially be “giddy” with excitement at the thought of living together, spending all of your time together and getting to know one another’s preferences, habits, pet peeves, likes and/or dislikes, etc., but over time you may start to feel smothered, neglected, irritated, etc.

Moreover, you may tell yourself that cohabitating will give you a glance of what to expect when you are officially married, but in reality, for some, it may lead to heartbreak and a broken engagement. Once the initial “honeymoon period” is over you may start to notice things about one another that you never noticed before (because you did not live together). For instance, you may not like the way your partner leaves his/her dirty clothes around the house or your partner may not like the way you always have to have everything your way. Although these may seem like small differences, over time they may add up and cause distress in relationship.



Incompatibilities

In some cases, cohabitating can bring out incompatibilities. In other words, things that you once thought were “cute” when you were “just dating” and living separately, may all of a sudden become irritating, frustrating and/or annoying. For instance, while you are dating you may find your partner’s dry humor endearing, but once you have been living with that dry humor for months or years, you may not find it charming anymore, in fact, you may find it downright maddening.

In addition, you may be the type that likes to stay in the house and cuddle, while your partner may be the type that likes to go out and have a good time. Although some incompatibilities can be worked through, others are too overwhelming to overcome, either way moving in together and then having to separate because you are no longer compatible is not only a hassle, but also very painful.

Money Management Problems

According to the National Healthy Marriage Resource Center (2010), you may run into money management problems, if you decide to cohabitate with your partner. In other words, if you are good at managing your money and you have a good credit score, etc., but your partner has poor money management skills, it can lead to a breakup, especially if you are relying on him/her to be responsible for some of the bills. Although you would like to think you would be able to spot that type of problem in your partner before you moved in together, you may actually be surprised.

In fact, more than likely your partner will tell you that he/she is good at managing money, but in reality, he/she may be in debt, overspend and/or have a poor credit score. Although this may not seem so important at first, it may prevent you from purchasing a house and/or car or obtaining employment. Money is the root of many breakups, especially when the two people live together and share bills. In other words, your partner’s poor money management skills can have a detrimental effect on your ability to purchase items, especially if everything is in your name.

Expecting marriage

Moving in together for many people, just means a step closer to marriage. This can lead to disappointment when the steps towards marriage don’t happen. Some people can be satisfied with cohabiting if they feel that the relationship is working and progressing in a way which they are comfortable with.

Source: relationshipcounselingcenter.net, cohabitation-agreement.co.uk